Relationships are taking the brunt of the COVID-19 impact, with many torn apart and some too close for comfort.
The Coronavirus crisis has impacted everyday life in more ways than one, with nearly every aspect of daily routines either being altered or deemed too dangerous. This ‘new normal’ has transformed personal relationships, pushing people closer to some and further away from others.
Brisbane father James Guidotti became separated from his two daughters in July when the second wave in Victoria hit. His eldest daughter Keegan, who had already departed on a gap-year trip to Japan, soon became stranded when her original flight home was cancelled. Since their first booking, Keegan and her partner have had eleven flight cancellations. The couple were draining their savings fast and became “extremely stressed” as they waited on multiple refunds from the cancelled flights.
“Airlines were trying to find ways to not refund us, or when they did, it took forever for the money to come into our account,” Keegan explained.
Also concerned about being so far away from her family, she said, “It was hard thinking if they got sick, it was impossible to get a flight home.”
Being separated from both Keegan, and his youngest daughter Sarah-Cait who is currently stuck in country Victoria, has taken its toll on James emotionally.
"I haven’t seen Sarah-Cait since December 2019, when I usually see her every eight weeks at a minimum,” James explained.
Another family member that James is now unable to see, is his elderly father who also resides in Victoria. Using the only form of communication his father is capable of, James said he often feels “flat” and “helpless” after every phone call.
“I’ve seen my 90-year-old father not only have to deal with putting his long-time partner into a nursing home … but now having to deal with COVID and his inability to see his partner,” James said.
Headspace Psychologist Rosie Epps says the distress of the latest Queensland border shut down has caused an influx of patients in both Headspace and her private practice.
“I think with the first shut down, everyone was kind of prepared, but the second shut down seemed sudden and unpredictable,” she said.
Dr Epps has observed the grief that has come from family members being separated and revealed how many of her clients are experiencing the disconnect from other states.
“People are really mourning the fact that they can’t go to Victoria to see rellies or rellies can’t come up here, and that’s the one I’ve seen the most distress about.”
“Lots of people’s future plans and things they look forward to are about visiting relatives or even going overseas and they can’t do that, and don’t have a date for when they can,” she said.
Dr Epps believes this “open-endedness” and the lack of a destination, is what has been having a major impact on people.
This is certainly true for James and his family, as he fears for when he will be reunited with them.
“There doesn’t seem to be an end to COVID and the restrictions anytime soon, which is tough and heartbreaking,” he shared.
Dr Epps has seen very similar situations to James’ recently, experiencing a wave of distressed parents whose adult children live in Melbourne.
“There’s a lot of anxiety and worry about their children’s mental health and access to resources, along with the fact the parent can’t be there in person,” she said.
While the absence of face-to-face interaction has affected many relationships, Dr Epps has alternatively seen how too much contact has caused some relationships to fall apart.
“There’s a lot more people trying to get more time on their own, so they’re shutting themselves in their bedroom which has definitely had an impact on relationships,” she said.
With the lockdowns forcing families and couples to work and study from home, the lack of space is testing even the closest of bonds.
“This is not just between couples but between parents and children, we see that in headspace quite a bit, there’s a lot more conflict and discussion,” Dr Epps said.
A survey conducted by Relationships Australia in May, found 42 per cent of people experienced a negative change in their relationship as a result of COVID-19. This discovery has been evident in the couples and singles Dr Epps has counselled recently, particularly people in their 40s and 50s.
“The pressure of staying home and the financial side of things has exasperated the cracks that are already there,” Dr Epps said.
Despite predictions of rising divorce rates throughout the world, this isn’t the case for all relationships. Among the success stories is James’ daughter Keegan, who has been in lockdown with her partner for months.
“I kind of thought being in such close proximity with someone for so long would take its toll, but I honestly think it’s made us stronger as a couple and as a team,” she said.
For the couples and families not coping so well, whether that’s due to separation or lack thereof, Dr Epps suggests keeping busy.
“Try to do something new every week to break up the routine and schedule times to connect with loved ones,” she said.